I think I've stumbled on a common chronic pain hurdle. Somehow over the past few years I've become super aware of how others see me and my chronic pain. I've allowed myself to take in all kinds of fear about being judged, misunderstood and not believed. The truth is all of those things are happening but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it no matter how much I hate it. And trust me, I hate it a whole lot.
The trouble is, being so aware is harming me. I'm suffering 4 times over. First from the chronic pain, then from the judgement, then from being so aware of the judgement, then again as I beat myself up and feel miserable about being judged and such.
When it comes down to it, my life is very different from the norm. Lots of people won't ever get that. I just need to stop allowing myself to be poisoned by how others react to me. No good can come from that. Instead I need to focus on just being me and doing what I need to do to be okay.
Here is how I plan to do that.
1. Catch myself whenever I start taking in judgment from others.
2. Remind myself that this is not reality.
3. Refocus my attention on something more positive.
4. Repeat. I don't know about you, but I tend to recycle negative thoughts in my head so I'm sure I'll have to continually go through the first 3 steps until I get better at letting the negativity of others roll off my back.
I believe in doing this I will be able to let go of the frustration and anger that results from constantly feeling like people are either judging me harshly or completely misunderstanding me and my chronic pain. These feelings are heavy and I'm pretty darn sick of carrying them around all the time.