The Lost Days

My to-do-list is long. Full of all kinds of regular cleaning tasks, periodic cleaning tasks, things that need to be organized or put away, things that need to be painted or repainted, rooms that need to be designed and decisions that need to be made. Anyone out there who lives with chronic pain knows that to-do-list never gets completed. The terrible days outnumber the not-too-bad days. Even on the days when I can function fairly well I have to be careful not to overdo it and lose my ability to function at all.

The world goes on without me when I'm having a terrible day. The weather is beautiful and people are gathering to enjoy outdoor concerts and festivals, BBQ and games. There are pressing matters that need my attention and fun that I wish you could participate in. BUT instead I find myself battling insurmountable pain, nausea, exhaustion and whatnot. As much as I want to tackle my list, be productive or enjoy the beautiful day, I am stuck inside, trying to distract myself from the pain, manage the nausea and avoid all the painful stimuli that surrounds me.

The day is lost and there is nothing I can do about it.

We are all given a finite but unknown number of days on this Earth. Like everyone else, I want to make the most of the days I'm given. Admittedly I am saddened and frustrated by the high number of lost days I've had and will have moving forward. I never have days when I feel good and can just do what I want and stay active all day anymore, but I do still have days when I can be productive despite the daily myriad of unpleasant symptoms that accompany my chronic migraines and fibromyalgia.

I work hard to stay as positive as I can, laugh as often as I can, moderate or modify my activities so I can do more, and be thankful for all that I can do and all the blessings I have been given. It is so easy to get caught up in the sadness and frustration of my limitations but it is counterproductive. The extra effort that goes into combating that is 100% worth it.