Friday, July 17, 2015

Trying to Increase The Amount of Time I Feel Like Myself

Every now and then I have these moments when I really feel like myself. These indescribably wonderful moments are usually initiated by either great conversations with old friends or sharing fun and laughter with loved ones.

Born from a desire to have more of these moments I started thinking about what makes them what they are. In other words, why do I feel this way in these certain situations? What is going on and conversely not going on during these moments?

These moments are not:
-Free from pain
-Free from the other symptoms of chronic migraines and fibromyalgia
-In solitude or in large groups

During these moments:
-I'm with one or two other people.
-I'm not judging myself.
-I'm not feeling judged by the people I'm with.
-I'm not feeling bad about all that I can't do.
-I'm not thinking or worrying about my conditions or symptoms.
-I'm simply in the moment.

Seems to me, if I could find a way to stop judging myself and feeling bad about the many things that chronic pain took away from me I would greatly increase the amount of time I spend feeling like myself. But I don't know if all that is realistic.

Clearly, no downside exists to eliminating self-judgement. I want very badly to learn to do that. However, is it even possible to NOT feel bad about the losses instigated by my chronic pain? At best, I think general acceptance sprinkled with moments of feeling sad, angry, mournful, etc. about those losses is more realistic.

None of this sounds simple but the parameters are fairly narrow with defined edges, which makes it easier to focus on improvement. Over time I hope I will get better at being me.

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