Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Chronic Migraines Rule My Life

Rule Your Headache Disorder.

Sounds perfect. After all, I like to be in control. The trouble with chronic migraines is that even when I'm doing everything right, I never feel like I'm ruling over it. I work so hard to manage triggers, stick to my routine and keep my spirits up but migraines always find a way to show me who is the boss. Spoiler alert - it's not me.

Don't get me wrong, I've been able to bring my migraine frequency down from daily to an average of 18 per month with the help of a daily muscle relaxer. Plus, I've been able to increase my quality of life by practicing trigger management, pacing myself, doing regular gentle exercises and such. But that migraine is always waiting in the wings ready to jump out and take me down.

After a decade of fighting the good fight, I still don't feel like I rule over my chronic migraines. Quite the opposite, I actually feel like it rules my life. It shut down my career. It keeps me at home. It keeps me from being as active as I want to be. It keeps me from traveling. It demands I rest frequently. I can't plan to do more than a few things in a day, and never more than 1 thing if it involves leaving the house. I have to carefully tiptoe through life, trying not to anger the beast within. It has destroyed my recall. It has shaken my sense of self unrecognizable. It impacts my ability to socialize. My life revolves around my chronic migraines, fibromyalgia and endometriosis.

I hate it - everything about it.

I do what I can to strike a balance and live the best I can despite these unfortunate circumstances. Maybe one day in the future I will rule over my chronic migraines. Either way, I'll continue to fight for as much power over my conditions as I can get.

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