Too Many Meds

I want to stop taking a couple of my medications. Seems like I spend way too much time taking pills, too many pills. The rescue meds are the rescue meds and I'm not ready to part with any of them. The "preventative" meds on the other hand have never done a single thing to help me. All they do is make my mouth drier, mess with my energy, generally making me feel funky in a number of ways. There is no point as far as I can tell.

I'm on an SNRI that, of course, isn't making any real difference. I think I was put on it to help with the fibro pain and possibly with the migraines a bit. My Bachlofen used to be the only thing that allowed me to get some sleep (poor in quality as it may be) but recently the only manufacturer who made a version that worked  for me stopped making them. 

My gen doc doesn't want me to stop either but I want to stop both. She thinks I should just do higher doses, which has only made me feel funkier. I feel like she just wants to push more meds on me when the problems don't improve. I guess that's about all I can expect from a doctor. Their tool boxes are limited. 

I get that the fibro management is all on me and I'm cool with that. I just wish the chronic migraine prevention and management was a little more clear cut. Nothing I've tried has made any real impact. I don't know that there is much left to try but I guess I'll have that discussion with the migraine specialist at Mayo in November. 

In the meantime I just want to stop taking these other meds. More is not better. My body is saying no. 

If only I could find another kind of healer to help guide me through these issues. I wouldn't even know where to begin or how to tell the good from the bad. 

Thank You Thursday

Dear Clueless,

Thank you to all those who made the very funny "90s movie Clueless. Comedy Central has been airing this classic recently and I have been watching. Even though I know it backwards and forwards because I watched you more times than I can count back in the day, you still make me laugh.

It's been years since I've enjoyed your silliness and sarcasm. Thanks for being funny enough to make me laugh despite all this time.



Dear Bean Stew,

Thank you for being so good. You are a healthy, tasty, one-pot comfort meal. I'm trying not to make you too frequently for fear of growing tired of you, but it's hard. Your yum factor is so high and once made you feed us for two days. Your leftovers being just as good, if not better.

I can hardly wait two weeks to enjoy you again.



Dear Brain,


Thanks for failing me again today. I don't know what you have done with my ability to recall basic things. Well done, I can't seem to find it anywhere, even when I can see it. Words don't seem adequate to describe the frustration and chaos you leave in your wake. Heck, even if there were words, I wouldn't be able to recall them anyway. So I leave you with a simple thank you.

October Migraine Blog Carnival

The October Migraine Carnival is now available. This month's topic is Venting About Migraines. Check out all the great posts.

Small Comfort

At times the most mundane tasks bring me satisfaction, comfort even. I've had a couple of bad weeks here and during this time I've been doing some small tasks around the house: dusting, vacuuming, laundry. All the while paying special attention to the doing, noticing how I bend, which muscles I use, how the task is coming together, etc. Of course, any time I can get things done and make things look nice is satisfying, but the satisfaction is greater when accomplishing tasks despite feeling so bad. That all makes sense.

What's surprising is how these tasks seem to bring a little comfort too. Perhaps it's the familiar motions of household chores, the small sense of normalcy they imply. I'm not entirely sure, but am very thankful for any bit of comfort.

Does anything in your days make you feel this way?

Thank You Thursday

Dear Antique Mall,

Thank you so much for every one of your 50,000 sq. ft. just one exit down from our condo. Even though I only had a few minutes to walk around earlier this week I happened upon a real gem - this mirror for just $27. Okay so it wasn't an antique, who cares. It's beautiful and affordable. I totally wasn't planning to buy anything, just walk around and check it out. But there it was.

And there you are - so close to home. I can head down any day and just walk around, taking in all the wonderful old stuff. It's like going to a museum, only you get to touch everything. It's been far too long since I've lived near a cool antique mall. I can't believe I didn't stop in sooner.




Dear Brain Fog,

Thanks for making writing so difficult. Without you I might be able to actually put together some thoughts. You are forcing me to wrap up early because you have decided to shut down.

Yeah, thanks.

Torn

I'm dealing with a big question. Better said, my husband and I are dealing with a big question. We want to have a baby. The natural way is not going to happen. I am not willing to put my body through fertility treatments because my poor body is going through enough. We've been thinking about adoption but that has been financially unrealistic - until recently.

Since moving into this condo a couple months ago we're finally in a position to save some money. We want to save money so we can buy a house and really settle in. We can stay and save as long as we want so we got to thinking perhaps we can also save for an adoption.

Now that it's a more realistic possibility I'm feeling very torn. Having a child is something we both really want. There are so many reasons we want to do it. But I'm also so scared about it. Something inside me tells me that when a baby comes into my life I will rise to whatever challenge out of love. I feel that sometimes with our pets. Besides I know my in-laws are close and I'm sure they will be a wonderful support for me when my husband is at work. Plus, with time, a baby becomes a child and becomes increasingly independent.

But what if a couple years in he or she develops autism - I don't think I'm capable of dealing with that with all the pain, brain fog, fatigue, etc. Or what if he or she has colic - another situation I don't think I could deal with.

What if no matter how much I love him or her, I'm just not able to be a good mom because of the migraines and fibromyalga?

Even if I can - who would choose to give their baby to us. I wouldn't, when there are other "healthier" couples to choose from. So what right do I have to even ask?

I go back and forth. I just don't know what the right thing is here.

What do you all think?

Top Ten

Here are the top ten reasons October is the best month of the year:

1. The leaves are painting the landscape with all the warm fall colors.

2. I get to switch out my warm weather clothes for cool weather clothes.

3. It's the start of sweet potato pie season.

4. Halloween is the start of the wonderful holiday season.

5. Oct. 13th is our 5th wedding anniversary.

6. The smell of pumpkins, spices, leaves...

7. Bubble baths ;)

8. Time to fire up the fire place.

9. Big comfy blankets to snuggle under.

10. Mums are in bloom.