Wednesday, October 3, 2012


I'm dealing with a big question. Better said, my husband and I are dealing with a big question. We want to have a baby. The natural way is not going to happen. I am not willing to put my body through fertility treatments because my poor body is going through enough. We've been thinking about adoption but that has been financially unrealistic - until recently.

Since moving into this condo a couple months ago we're finally in a position to save some money. We want to save money so we can buy a house and really settle in. We can stay and save as long as we want so we got to thinking perhaps we can also save for an adoption.

Now that it's a more realistic possibility I'm feeling very torn. Having a child is something we both really want. There are so many reasons we want to do it. But I'm also so scared about it. Something inside me tells me that when a baby comes into my life I will rise to whatever challenge out of love. I feel that sometimes with our pets. Besides I know my in-laws are close and I'm sure they will be a wonderful support for me when my husband is at work. Plus, with time, a baby becomes a child and becomes increasingly independent.

But what if a couple years in he or she develops autism - I don't think I'm capable of dealing with that with all the pain, brain fog, fatigue, etc. Or what if he or she has colic - another situation I don't think I could deal with.

What if no matter how much I love him or her, I'm just not able to be a good mom because of the migraines and fibromyalga?

Even if I can - who would choose to give their baby to us. I wouldn't, when there are other "healthier" couples to choose from. So what right do I have to even ask?

I go back and forth. I just don't know what the right thing is here.

What do you all think?


  1. There are medications for colic, and it doesn't last forever.

    Adoption is a wonderful way to give an unwanted child a home.

    This may be just what you need!

  2. You will love any child that comes into your life, and you will take excellent care of any child that comes into your life, regardless if there are health issues or other problems that happen along the way. I think you will find that healthy is a relative term. Some people may be sound of body but not be ideal adoptive parents.

    I chose not to have any children, adopted or otherwise. That was because I never found a life partner/husband and had no desire to put a child into a one parent home by my choice. However my life has been poorer because of this, and it sometimes a decision I wonder I would have made knowing what life is on this side of 50.

    Perhaps you could "trial" by being a foster parent or joining big sisters. I have a friend that is a "crisis" parent that takes babies for just a few days when they need an emergency foster Mom. Some states putfoster parents on the fast track for adoption since you have already been investigated for foster care.

  3. I agree with Della. Adoption is a great way to have children. There are so many wanting a home. Have you thought about maybe a bit older of a child? They may be more independent. I also thought about adoption but ended not being able to do after my mother got alzheimer's. I so wanted to be a mom. I am a great aunt though and I am a music teacher so i get my fill of children.


  4. Thank all of you for your encouragement. I am so torn so input is valued and appreciated.