Thursday, February 9, 2012

I am Loved

With Valentine's Day right around the corner I have decided not to buy any cards, candy, flowers, or other gifts for anyone. My husband and I will NOT be going out to dinner with most of the rest of the world, nor will we be taking in a show or doing anything really that out of the ordinary. What I'm really saying here is that I don't appreciate the way this holiday has been ruined by corporations who have created all kinds of expectations and ultimately disappointments, sadness and loneliness around the world. 

That being said I've decided to take some time to really celebrate all the wonderful people in my life, whom I love lots. Honestly I don't know where I would be (especially over these past several years since the onset of my chronic pains) without the love, support and kindness from my loved ones. To describe all the ways in which they have helped me throughout my life would take the next 33 years.

My husband, my mom, my extended family, my friends and even my in-laws have shown me such compassion, and patience.

Having had a long history with me, my friends treat me the same way they have always treated me. Not only sticking by me but also simply looking at me like a well person even though they know I'm struggling. I don't think they know any different - and I don't think they could possibly know how much it means to me. It is through their eyes I can see and feel myself the way I used to be. I need to let them know.

My extended family has less history with me but they are a lot of fun to be around. They also know of my struggles though I don't think they really grasp the full extent of them, which is likely for the best. Often times when we have gatherings they are just so enjoyable that I'm completely distracted from everything else. My in-laws are much the same way only they don't really have any history of me prior to the chronic pain. But boy are they fun, understanding and so very kind.

My husband has been my hero. He met shortly after the pain started to get more frequent. The woman he met had a good career, active social life, was very involved in her community and had all kinds of energy and enthusiasm. By the time we got married the ugliness of chronic pain had reared it's ugly head and he wanted to marry me anyway. He helps me to keep moving. He encourages me and he stands by me. He distracts me when I need it and is always willing to laugh with me. He is my best friend and the love of my life. He is my world.

My mom. Wow. Throughout my entire life my mom has been a constant positive force. She has loved me, comforted me, encouraged me, she's been my cheerleader, my caretaker, my chauffeur, my mom. She fed me when I couldn't feed myself, she changed my diapers for crying out loud. She's always saying that if she could have my pain instead of me she would do it and I believe her. There are no words to really describe how much she has meant to me.

I am loved and that has made all the difference.


  1. Being loved has made me richer and healthier than I would be had I stayed alone, too. Isn't it cool that we recognize and appreciate the circumstances we have been given and the others who help us define our core ?~!

  2. Reading the part about your husband, made me realize the same thing about my life and relationship with Jesse. When we first met, I also had a very active social life, was energetic , motivated and fun! Now, I feel anything but those things...but he continues to be by my side, despite the many "outs" I've tried to give him. Looks like we are both extremely lucky to have men by our sides who really are willing to stay in sickness or in health.

  3. how lovely! My friends also treat me like they always have. They are so understanding about the pain and my limitations.