Trying to Stop the Soliciting

Now that we are once again living in a detached house, we are being subjected to frequent door-to-door peddlers. Some want to bring us the word of God, others want to reside our house, cut our lawn or sell us cable. All of them make me mad. 

Each ring of the doorbell sends our chihuahua into a loud barking fit. Most of the time they arrive when I'm feeling terrible, or trying hard to manage my environment in an effort to prevent my pain from getting out of control. 

Early on, I would answer the door because the people coming by had legitimate business with us. Since then I've learned to just not answer the door. My family and neighbors know I don't feel well and if they need me they text me. Everyone else is just an annoyance and a real pain - literally. 

Even though I don't answer the door, the fact they are showing up, disturbing my peace and my delicate head, is no good. After yesterday's disturbance I've devised a plan to put a stop to it. Here's the plan: put up a big ol' sign. I found these inspiration signs on Google:

This one is funny and a little true but I'm not wild about the bright yellow

Well, I also don't want Girl Scouts coming by - too expensive.

I like that this one is aesthetic 

This may be a lie but one worth telling if it keeps
people away.

Okay, so it's not a great plan and I don't really think it'll be effective but I have to try something. If you have any ideas, I'm all ears.