What A Treasure!

Last night I got the chance to have dinner and hang out with some old friends of mine. It had been about 4 years since we've seen one another, which means this is also the first time since the chronic pain took over my life. I have to admit that I was actually a bit nervous about how it would go. Some days I never really pull out of the migraine fog and funk even after the medications have provided some relief from the pain.

I was feeling conflicted. Part of me didn't want them to see the horrible effects the last few years has on me. I didn't want them to see me as sick or frail. I wanted them to see me - their old friend. But another part of me wanted to share what was going on. They obviously already knew that I was really struggling with frequent migraines and that I had had surgery and, of course, that I had come to Rochester to do the Mayo thing. But none of my friends here have actually experienced the altered, medicated me and I don't expect they know the extent this has affected my life.

What ended up happening could not have been better. I knew I couldn't hide all of what has been going on and I decided I didn't really want to. They are dear old friends and as soon as I saw them I knew (or I remembered) that they could be trusted with my truth because they know and love the whole me. That's just the kind of people they are - even after years apart. So I shared. And when I struggled with my words they didn't look at me differently, and when I apologized for my struggles they said "no need." There was nothing awkward, uncomfortable, or different about our interactions. And then thing is, during the time we spent together, I felt like the old me.

What a wonderful feeling.

I don't know what I was so nervous about. The pressure has been lifted and now I'm just excited to get out there and see more friends. What a treasure! I only wish I lived closer and could have this feeling more often.