Thursday, October 10, 2013

The Monster Inside Me

The October Migraine Blog Carnival topic is: migraine horror story, how has living with migraine changed you? I can come up with a rather lengthy list of all the ways living with chronic migraines has changed my life but when it comes to how it changed me, well that's a bit trickier. As I sat and thought about it, I came up with a few changes, all of which are rather unflattering.

I'm now a rather fearful person. I worry about things I never used to worry about. Part of that is because my illnesses have created more worries but mostly I worry more because I feel so vulnerable and so fragile.

I smile and put up a "brave" front when people ask me about how I'm doing. I say things that minimize my experience to help them avoid feeling too uncomfortable around me. The unintended consequence of that is I feel minimized by my own "bravery".

I'm always fighting with my sadness. Even though I do a pretty good job of keeping my spirits up most of the time, I'm easily pushed back into the sadness by unkind words or judgments by others.

So there it is. With Halloween fast approaching, you now know about the monster inside me. The monster that living with chronic migraines has brought into my life. Fortunately just because this is how things are today, doesn't mean this is how they must be tomorrow.

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