Saturday, June 28, 2014

A New Kind of Dream for a Migraineur #MHAMBC

The day 28 prompt is: Maruki Marukami said, "I dream. Sometimes I think that's the only thing I do." Action is what makes our dreams comes true, but there have been times when we all have been physically unable to act on something that means a great deal to us. Tell us your story. 

My dreams are full of things I can't physically handle doing. The fact of the matter is that all of them require me being able to function normally so I guess that's the overriding dream - to NOT have to live with chronic migraines and fibromyalgia. Unfortunately, this is not an actionable dream. There is no cure so, short of a miracle, this is my life.

I've found that lingering on the dream of being normal, or accomplishing normal things, only brings me down. Over the past 8 years I've learned to focus on adjusting all my goals to fit my limitations. The dream is still there but it's now categorized with dreams like world peace or an end to global warming. You know the ones that we all wish would happen and hope would happen but don't believe will.

Does this mean I've given up? No, I promise you I have not given up. But life is a little easier to bear when each day is not filled with the constant, inevitable failures that result from trying to reach for something that my body is unable to handle. If I was blind I wouldn't spend all my time trying to enjoy beautiful landscapes, I would focus on figuring out how to adjust. I would learn new skills to help me function the best I could.

This is no different. My body is easily fatigued and always in pain (frequently debilitating pain), not to mention all the other symptoms. I wasted years unable to act on any of my dreams because all of my dreams were about doing stuff I couldn't do. No more.

I see it as my job to be the very best me I can be. Nobody else will ever be me - I'm the only one who can do it. This has to include my chronic pain, it's that big a part of my life.

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