I Was That Broken-Winged Bird #MHAMBC

The day 11 prompt is to respond to the following quote: "Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly." Langston Hughes

So true. We all need something to look toward, to be excited about, to challenge ourselves and to direct our efforts. Our humanness needs dreams. The startling disruption of the onset of chronic migraines in my life has highlighted the importance of dreams and at the same time has made hanging onto them more challenging.

I've always considered myself a dreamer but that was an easy thing for me to be as young, energetic, episodic migraineur. Interestingly, I was so caught up in the excitement about and focus on my dreams that it took me many months to realize just how out of control my migraines were getting. In those early months when my body was transitioning from episodic to chronic I was aware of each migraine (they are impossible to ignore) but wasn't putting any thought into the big picture, instead chalking it up to being overly busy, extra stressed and just one of those things. It wasn't until I found myself missing more and more work, spending more and more time in the ER and finally getting that prescription of Imitrex from my doctor (who had been offering it to me for a couple years), that I realized something was going terribly wrong.

Life needed to be put on hold. The only focus was to figure out what went wrong, fix it and return to the old dreams, to my life. I'm a little embarrassed to say just how long it took me to realize and admit to myself there was no way to figure out what went wrong and, more importantly, no way to fix it. During those years I was that broken-winged bird. I wasn't having any success in my efforts to decrease my migraines, I wasn't exercising, I wasn't doing much of anything but managing doctor appointment, trying all kinds of medications, dealing with side effects and just being miserable. All I had was a myriad of symptoms, fear and my loving hubby.

It wasn't until I was ready to admit that I couldn't solve this problem that I was able to move forward. I dreamed about recapturing portion of myself and living the best I could with these chronic migraines and fibromyalgia. I started exercising, setting goals, working on projects and really trying to adjust my life in an effort to to increase my ability to function despite my chronic pain. I moved from making treatment and lifestyle decisions out of desperation, to making smarter more strategic decisions. As a result I am living better today than I was. My chronic migraines have not improved but my emotional state is much improved and that has been great. I am a dreamer once again.

I'm so thankful for my wonderful hubby who stood by me and loved me through it all. I don't know how I would have made it this far without him. No words exist to accurately express my appreciation for all he has done.