Oh The Things They Say

People are well meaning most of the time but the truth is most don't know how to best deal with someone who suffers from chronic pain. Honestly, who can blame them. I don't know that I would know what to say either. The impact it has on one's life is hard to even imagine for someone who hasn't experienced it themselves, many of us probably felt that way before pain became such a big part of our daily lives.

Inevitably people say things to us that are annoying, frustrating, dumb and even piss us off. The thing that bothers me the most is when people say, "have you tried..."fill in whatever common migraine treatment that is discussed on some 4 minute segment of a morning talk show. As if it never occured to me to see a doctor or do some online research, or try any of the known treatment options available. Come on, after 5 years of this it is safe to say that anything a well person knows about migraines is something I already know. Sometimes the "have you tried..." is a little more off the wall like "have you tried eliminating red dye #5 from your diet? I once knew someone who was allergic to red dye #5 and when she stopped taking it she felt better." or "have you tried moving? You might just be reacting to something in your home."

I do know all these people are well meaning and just want to help. But I am not seeking suggestions from healthy people who are not doctors. I love to hear about and from other people like me or from medical professionals who deal with people like me. Suggestions from them are always welcome. But there is such a big difference between the tons of people in this world who suffer from migraines and people like me who have migraines more days then not. It is not the same thing, it just isn't. I think what bothers me so much about these statements is that I feel blamed when people say them to me. I feel like they are saying, well if you only put a little bit of effort into treating this, or figuring out what's going on then you could feel much better. If only I had watched that short segment on the 11 o'clock news or on the doctors that's geared towards the common migraine sufferer then I would know how to handle this. Gosh, why didn't it occur to me?

Couple that annoyance with the dwindling patience that has developed after years of chronic pain and the weariness of dealing with it and you can see how this line of unsolicited suggestions really get under my skin. I try really hard not to react with frustration when this kind of thing is said. My migraine brain isn't witty on command so I never had a great response, which is probably for the best. After all the perpetrators are well meaning. Normally, I'll just thank them for their suggestion or explain that I have tried whatever and it didn't work, or, in the case of the strange suggestions, I will stear the conversation to the topic of their suggestion, glossing over the relevance to me entirely.