Unexpected Anger

Sometimes it sucks to be a woman. Our anatomy is more complicated, we have to subject ourselves to regular invasive GYN exams, our hormones are always fluctuating, we have hair and skin care needs that require much more time and expense than men, there are all kinds of cruelties in fashion...the list goes on and on.

But women can do something so incredible that men can't. We can grow people in our complicated female parts. I've always had really horrible periods and I used to find some measure of comfort in the fact that someday I would be rewarded for all the trouble with the miracle of carrying my own child(ren).

Now that I know I won't be able to have children I've developed some real anger over the many hassles of womanhood. This anger has taken me by surprise. I'm still coping with the sadness and loss of opportunities that one expects to encounter when dealing with infertility but I didn't anticipate this intense negativity towards my reproductive organs. Maybe I wouldn't be feeling this way if my cycles weren't so darn ugly.

It just feels so wrong to have to deal with the intense cramps, severe mood swings, back pain and migraines that won't respond to rescue meds when my organs can't perform their actual function. It's wrong that endometreosis has so ravaged my insides, destroyed one of my ovaries and continues to attack me even though I can't have kids. I'm worried about my remaining ovary being destroyed as my other one was. My GYN doc has basically given up on me because my medical situation is complicated and I don't want to start in with a new doc until we move - if only we knew when that was!!!

*sigh*

I hate feeling this way.